Harvard researchers have studied happiness for 85 years and found something surprising.
What makes our life happy and complete is a question that may be as old as humanity itself, so it is no wonder that not only ordinary people, but also science is constantly looking for an answer to it. in 1938 Harvard researchers began a multi-decade follow-up studyTo discover: What is the secret of happiness and long life? The scientists collected health data from 724 male participants from around the world (of whom 19 were still alive in 2017), asked them detailed questions about their lives at two-year intervals, and interviewed their family members. (Women were not included in the research, because only men could study at the university in 1938, and originally John F. Kennedy, the later president, was also among the subjects.) Finally, the university staff continued the study for a total of 85 years (it ended last year), making it one of the longest researches in the world. Scientists finally came to a surprising conclusion.
Because – contrary to what we might at first think –
It is not a job, money, regular exercise, or healthy eating that determines our quality of life in the long run.
There was one thing that affected participants’ physical and mental well-being and their sense of happiness more than any other circumstance: positive social relationships.
The first key to happiness
The Harvard study found a strong correlation between happiness and close relationships, such as spouses, family, and friends.
“Personal connection creates mental and emotional stimulation, which automatically improves mood, while solitude destroys mood.”
– explains Dr. Robert WaldingerProfessor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, in an article published on the university’s website. It’s also an opportunity to focus on positive relationships and remove negative people from our lives, or at least minimize interactions with them. (Breaking up with toxic friends is hard, but not impossible—we’ll show you how.)
Relationships affect us physically. Have you ever noticed the relief you feel when you feel that someone really understands you during a good conversation? Or vice versa: How tired do you get in the company of certain people? It is important not only to deal with our health, but also with the health of our relationships, because in the long run it can do us great harm or even help us.
A balanced family life and good relationships with others are more important than we think (Image: Getty Images)
We tend to think that once they develop friendships and intimate relationships, they will take care of themselves and not have to worry about it. However, our social life is a living system that, like our body, needs training. Social fitness requires valuing our relationships, being honest with ourselves about where we spend our time, and whether we nurture relationships that help us achieve happiness.
This is how we measure our relationships
Dr. Waldinger and Mark Scholz, one of the leaders of the Harvard study and a practicing psychologist, developed an exercise that allows us to see what our relationship with others is like and which area might need improvement.
According to them, there are seven basic pillars of support in our relationship:
- safety: Who would you call if you woke up scared in the middle of the night? Who do you turn to in a moment of crisis?
- Learning and growth: Who encourages you to try new things, take risks, and pursue your life goals?
- Emotional closeness and trust: Who knows everything (or most things) about you? Who can you call when you’re feeling down, and who can you talk to honestly about how you’re feeling?
- Affirmation of identity and shared experiences: Is there someone in your life who has shared a lot of common experiences with you and helps strengthen your sense of who you are?
- Romantic intimacy: Are you satisfied with the amount of romantic intimacy in your life?
- Help (informational and practical): Who do you turn to if you need expertise or help with a practical problem (eg planting a tree, fixing a WiFi connection).
- Entertainment and recreation: Who made you laugh? Who do you invite to see a movie or go on a trip with, with whom do you feel connected and at peace?
Let’s make a table, the first column of which will contain the names of those with whom we want to analyze our relationship, those who have the greatest influence on us. The above seven categories are written in the additional columns. Put a plus sign (+) in the appropriate columns if the relationship appears to increase this type of support in our lives, and a minus sign (-) if that relationship lacks this type of support. (The researchers also draw attention to the fact that it’s OK if not all relationships receive a positive mark in each column.)
Think of this exercise like an x-ray: a tool that helps us see below the surface of our social lives. Looking at the holes in the graph, we may realize that there are plenty of people we feel comfortable with, but no one we can trust. Or maybe there is one person we can turn to for help, or one person we feel safe with. (And, of course, let’s look inside ourselves: Are we really not to blame? For example, these are the six signs if we’re the ones in a relationship.)
In this way, we can see more clearly and navigate the mazes of our relationships.
However, the most important thing to know is that it is a two-way street. If our relationship with someone is not what we would like it to be, we can take that particular first step and improve the relationship little by little. After all, it only benefits everyone.
Featured image: Getty Images / Canva
